Pandemic restrictions are taking their toll on us all, one year in and counting…….Our young people struggling with online school, or restricted in-person school, greatly diminished social activities, and little or no outdoor activities, need the support and guidance of the significant adults in their lives , now more than ever.

It is well-known that talking through our frustrations and challenges with someone who is actively listening and validating our experience can be very helpful in relieving negative or distressing emotions. Being there for our youth and offering them this support is essential to their development of coping skills in these unprecedented times. Also, acknowledging and normalizing setbacks and feelings of overwhelm, while encouraging creative initiatives in adapting to individual situations will help to foster resilience.

The 7 C’s : The Essential Building Blocks of Resiliency, presented below, was developed by Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, paediatrician and author, and provides a useful framework in referencing the development of resiliency in young people.

Bottom Line #1: Young people live up or down to expectations we set for them. They need adults who believe in them unconditionally and hold them to the high expectations of being compassionate, generous, and creative.
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• Competence: When we notice what young people are doing right and give them opportunities to develop important skills, they feel competent. We undermine competence when we don't allow young people to recover themselves after a fall.
• Confidence: Young people need confidence to be able to navigate the world, think outside the box, and recover from challenges.
• Connection: Connections with other people, schools, and communities offer young people the security that allows them to stand on their own and develop creative solutions.
• Character: Young people need a clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity.
• Contribution: Young people who contribute to the well‐being of others will receive gratitude rather than condemnation. They will learn that contributing feels good, and may therefore more easily turn to others, and do so without shame.
• Coping: Young people who possess a variety of healthy coping strategies will be less likely to turn to dangerous quick‐fixes when stressed.
• Control: Young people who understand privileges and respect are earned through demonstrated responsibility will learn to make wise choices and feel a sense of control.

Bo​ttom Line #2: What we do to model healthy resilience strategies for our children is more important than anything we say about them.

Recognizing then, that resilience is not just one characteristic, but rather the development of several positive coping mechanisms and healthy attitudes, we the adults need to provide the appropriate environment or fertile soil for the youth to nurture and grow their resiliency, so that they can flourish in spite of the challenges of pandemic life.

For further guidance re: developing resiliency contact Self-Care Psychotherapy at 714 5551 or [email protected]                    Lystra Mahabir-Mongroo, Psychotherapist

​Violence against women is violence against humanity. This violent crime, assault, abuse, is not acceptable, is not okay, is not to be taken as a normal response in any situation.

 Violence against women is the end of the line. it does not come about in and of itself. The precursors to violence against women are many, having their roots in a broad range of societal constructs. And though many do not acknowledge this, there are sadly many women , along with many men, who support and propagate this behaviour by that segment of the male population who abuse, assault and murder

Many have already raised their voices in outrage at the recent and not so recent tragic losses caused by heinous crimes against women. My intention here is to highlight some of the roots of this aggressive criminal behaviour so that as a society we can begin to take on the collective task of reprogramming our brains, our hearts, our minds, our consciousness, to be more positive, nurturing, supportive, self-respecting and respectful of others.
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Some of the underlying causes of gender-based violence historically:

• Objectifying of women
• Deeply rooted belief in male supremacy
• Discriminatory laws and policies
• Enslavement of women
• Devaluing of women and women's work
• Discrimination against women in regard to equality and power
• Victimization of women
• Stigmatization and isolation of women
• Denial of access to education,
• Denial of access to legal assistance
• Denial of access to justice and legal protection
• Harmful and unjust gender stereotypes

Here today in the twenty-first century we are still struggling to abolish these injustices and inequalities.

Here are some steps we can take to begin reprogramming our thinking and behaviour:

• We need to dismiss harmful gender stereotypes 
• We need to instill nurturing and respectful attitudes to all human beings, whatever gender they may be.
• We need to teach in schools from a very young age respect and caring for one another instead of competition, conflict and jealousy.
• We need to educate our children to develop positive social skills such as assertive communication, conflict resolution, and anger management.
• We need to give our children permission to feel their feelings and express their feelings in a constructive manner. Yes, it is possible to express anger in a constructive manner.
• We need to listen to our children, respect their opinions and beliefs, validate their feelings and support and guide them in developing a positive self-concept and positive self-esteem no matter what their intellectual ability.

Our churches, our temples, our mosques and other religious institutions, along with our workplaces need to uphold gender equality and gender respect. Our government at all levels needs to implement policies and laws that truly represents freedom and justice for all.

I am very much aware that what I am stating here is not new, is not laying out any brilliant solution to the despair, disgust and pain that we have all felt collectively. It has all been said before. It needs to be said again and again and again.
It needs to be discussed in homes, in schools, in religious institutions, in places of work, in all levels of government.

Everyone with a voice needs to speak out loudly and persistently, and everyone with a heart needs to speak inwards, softly, clearly and strongly.

Violence against women is violence against humanity. This violence, assault, abuse, is not acceptable, is not okay, is not to be taken as a normal response to any situation.

Change needs to happen and it needs to happen now: change of attitudes, change of values, change of behaviours, change of interpersonal communication.

And change begins within each one of us. Let us begin now.
Men and Women against Gender-Based Violence
                                                                                             
Anyone wishing to discuss any of the above in more detail please call 1-868-714 5551
or email [email protected]
 
                                       Lystra Mahabir-Mongroo, BA, BSW, MSW, EMDR ll, C.Hyp.
                                                                                                                                        

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Anger can be a very overwhelming emotion for children to manage.
It is difficult for them to listen and process information while experiencing intense feelings.
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When your child is angry is not the time to lecture, admonish or preach. Talking should be kept to a minimum and communication should offer nurturing and support:
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• “I understand that you are angry”
• “I love you no matter what”
• “I am here for you”
• “I am willing to listen”
• “I am willing to help you figure things out if you want me to”
• “It’s okay to take some time and space to express your anger”

By repeating any of the above statements in a calm tone of voice you will be providing reassurance and a sense of security as your child grapples with uncomfortable feelings.

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                          ​Feelings of Grief do not take a Break for the Holidays
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If you would like some support in managing the impact of significant loss and/or major life changes during this time of holiday festivities, please read below.
 
Holidays, anniversaries, and other commemorative days can be difficult, anxiety-provoking, and even depressing for many who have experienced a recent loss or even a not so recent loss.
Loss of a loved one to death, loss of a partner to divorce, loss of an unborn baby to miscarriage, loss of a home to disaster such as flood, hurricane or fire, and loss of a job, the ability to earn one’s livelihood – all of these are considered significant losses that impact the psyche with indelible memories accompanied by distressing feelings.

And this year, 2020, with this unprecedented pandemic experience, grieving of lifestyle, of customs, of rituals, even the ability to grieve in meaningful ways, has exponentially added to the challenges of managing loss in a meaningful way.

Grief is the emotion associated with loss and grieving is the process through which the loss is experienced and eventually managed.

Some losses are accompanied by more shock effect/tragedy than others – accidents, natural disasters, sudden health emergencies, while some are expected, over a period of time. Whether sudden or expected, all losses are accompanied by grieving in some form or fashion. Even when losses are expected and accepted in a positive manner, adjustment to the loss involves some level of grieving, nostalgic contemplation, or sadness.

What I’ve come to realise over my several decades of practice as a psychotherapist, combined with my own life experiences, is that the impact of loss cannot be measured, cannot be quantified, cannot be compared or standardized. Each person’s experience of loss is unique to them. Each individual feels, thinks and grieves in a way that only they can fully comprehend.
 
As the holiday season is once again upon us many people may find themselves struggling mentally and emotionally to navigate the expectations that this brings, the festivities, the celebrations, the charitable activities, the shopping and gift-giving, the religious worship. Whether commemorating Christmas, Divali, Eid, Hannukah, Kwanza, Old Years, New Years, Birthdays, Anniversaries, it can be challenging to continue with family traditions and enjoy social celebrations while facing the impact of significant loss.

Discussing some of these challenges and struggles with someone close to you or with a professional counsellor can be helpful in developing some coping strategies to manage the demands of the holiday season in an appropriate and meaningful manner.
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Here are some tips:
1.  Make self-care a priority.  Be patient and kind with yourself, as you would be with a friend in the        same situation.
2. Acknowledge your feelings and recognize that:

• You don’t “have to be strong”, you don’t have to “put on a brave face”, you don’t have to “move on with your life” if you don’t feel ready.
• You do have to give yourself permission to grieve, you do have to allow yourself time to heal, you do have to accept support from those close to you.
• It’s okay to go at your own pace.

3.  You always have a choice: to celebrate or not to celebrate
      Many find maintaining their old traditions and honouring their loss meaningful, while others find         developing new rituals or celebrating in a totally different way or at a different location, more             helpful.
4.  Give yourself permission to say no to invitations/activities if you don’t feel ready
5.  Give yourself permission to say yes to involvement in festivities without feeling guilt. Grieving           and honouring loss doesn’t mean that you have to be sad all the time.
6. Children are people too. Provide them with support and understanding. Give them permission to      grieve as well as permission to enjoy the holidays. Allow them to express their thoughts and              feelings and help them to find meaningful ways to manage the experience of loss.
7.  As the saying goes, “talking is the most healing medicine” for emotional pain. Sharing memories       and telling stories about a lost loved one helps to honour them and integrate them into the                 celebration.
8.  Some suggestions on which you can build your own meaningful practices:

• Say a prayer
• Light a candle
• Observe a moment of silence
• Make a toast
• Each person say in one word what they treasure about the person
• Share a favourite story
• Make one of their recipes
• Put an ornament on the tree in their memory
• Play their favourite game
• Donate to a cause in their name

The stress of the holidays will soon be over. Remember to make self-care first a priority, self-nurturing, self-soothing and self-reflection will help to keep things in balance.

To make an appointment, email [email protected]
or call 1 868 714 5551

The reopening or relaxation of restrictions on commercial and social interaction has begun. However, by no means are “things going back to normal”.

There are still limitations on the number of people that are allowed to congregate in various public spaces, there are still physical distancing guidelines, and the directive “no mask, no service”. The wearing of face masks when going out in public, the frequent washing of hands, and remembering to avoid touching your face, is being strongly advised by those in authority.

​               Is this then the crafting of the “new normal” or the “not-normal”?

However we may wish to view these practices, the fact remains that this is all very different from how we’ve been accustomed to going about our daily activities. So we all need to be making a very conscious effort to ensure that we are following these protective guidelines.
And as in all other areas of life, parents and caregivers have the responsibility to lead by example, to demonstrate to our children safe practices.

What can be seen as one of the significant benefits of these pandemic practices is that we have all been made to be so much more mindful of our behaviours and actions. We have been forced to slow down, to be present in the moment, in order to be aware of protecting others and ourselves.
We have also been forced to think about our priorities and focus on our basic needs versus many wants.

By extending this ability to be mindful to other areas of our daily lives we can improve our mental health in many ways.

​This can help to reduce our anxiety levels, help us to feel more balanced, more calm, more purposeful, and help us to be more appreciative or grateful. Whatever our situation may be, and there are many who are experiencing significant hardships at this time, as long as we have life and breath, there is always something to be grateful for.

Expressing gratitude and practicing mindfulness can help us to focus on what is important and what we can do in the here and now to nurture ourselves and our families and to build a healthy and positive future.
                   
 "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more,"
                                                                                                                  (Melody Beattie)
To learn more about Mindfulness Meditation training go to selfcarepsychotherapy.com

This, what seems like an extended vacation time, is the ideal time for all children everywhere to let their creative juices flow! Even as they attempt to keep up with some level of formal academic work, there is less time assigned to this at present and more time is being spent on finding different, creative, practical and more innovative ways to both learn and play.
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Here are some suggestions to add to your growing toolbox/playbox:

• Teach children basic stretches and breathing exercises and encourage them to do these as a morning routine when they get out of bed. This can help them to feel calm, more in control and mentally energized to face another day at home.
• Make it a fun activity by incorporating some imagery - "stretch up tall as a mountain, open arms wide as a river, bend over to the ground like a giraffe drinking water.."  "Breathe in slowly as if filling up a balloon with air, then breathe out slowly as if gently blowing away bubbles:.
• Bring out all the puzzles and board games - choose one or two a day for a week or whatever time frame works, depending on the age of the children.
• Older children may enjoy the challenge to make their own board game or puzzle,
• Let children elect an events coordinator for the week, from among siblings or cousins or friends - to plan various activities, for example:
•  - making puppets and putting on a puppet show
•  - planning and presenting a music concert
•  - Having a costume party
•  - setting up a games night
• They can collaborate and share this via online communication with relatives and friends, or just immediate family.
• Making up poems verbally can be a fun activity for children and adults to engage in together.
• Have children write a story or put together their own book. They can also create a story by drawing pictures only.
• Play games such as "I spy" or set up a treasure hunt for younger ones.
• Allow children to engage in some physical activity everyday whether inside or outside - playing moral or hopscotch, skipping, hula-hoop, football, basketball, kite-flying, etc.
• Encourage children to plant a garden or grow seedlings from seeds of fruit and vegetables that they have eaten themselves.
• Have children make a scrapbook in which they draw and colour pictures of all the plants. flowers, and trees in the yard and learn their names as they do so.
• Allow children to talk about their frustrations and concerns. Acknowledge their feelings.
• ​Allow children to have some down time.
• Brainstorm with your children and come up with your own creative ideas!

As the uncertainty shifts beneath our feet and plans for reopening are being laid out, parents need to find ways to stay grounded and maintain stability for their children. Planning ahead and remembering to look after yourself are key to effective coping.

• Plan for the week with children's input so that there are things to look forward to.
• Develop a schedule around activities of daily living so that there is predictability and everyone knows what to expect.
• Be flexible - Pick and choose your battles. For example, you may decide to overlook bed-making or packing away of toys or books at certain times in certain areas, or switch times of scheduled activities.
• Search for free activities and resources online - there are many available at the present time.
• Support your children in building activities around their interests.

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• Build a daily exercise routine - if you own exercise equipment, use it. Workout to youtube videos, make several laps around your house, walk up and down stairs several times, set up an obstacle course in your yard, There are many creative ways to fit exercise into your day.
• Connect with nature by doing some gardening or simply sitting and taking in the beautiful vegetation around you - sights, sounds, scents.
• Sing - both in the shower and out of the shower. Set up sing-a-long and karaoke sessions.
• Remember to laugh, watch comedies.
  
• Check-in with your spouse/partner or other adults in the house as to how things are going.
• Be aware of what triggers each person's anxiety or irritability.
• Schedule some alone time to self-nurture. Each person in the house should have some alone time. Even if physical space is tight, some psychological space can be beneficial.
• Make a plan for what you will do if someone in the house becomes ill.
• Restrict your use of social media
• Monitor your children's consumption of repetitive and sensational news.
• Choose a responsible news source and listen to a limited amount of disturbing or negative news stories.
• Read inspirational and uplifting material.
• Avoid watching news late at night or first thing in the morning. Use these times to self-nurture and rejuvenate.

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To end with a quote:

           "The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments".
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Anxiety in and of itself is not bad or dangerous. It is in fact a very natural part of the human experience. Anxiety helps to motivate and energize us to complete many important tasks such as studying for and writing exams, preparing for presentations, organizing events, executing household chores and providing care for those around us. When anxiety increases it can feel uncomfortable, and when it becomes extreme it can feel debilitating. When anxiety seriously affects someone’s ability to function in their everyday lives it is usually recommended that they seek professional help to learn how to manage their symptoms.


The below steps are some practical approaches that can be helpful to parents and care givers when dealing with pandemic-related anxiety:

• Acknowledge that we are unable to change the situation, we can only change our reaction to the situation.
• Recognize that because our external structure to a large extent has disappeared, (work, school, sports, religious worship etc.), it is important to organize our interior lives to compensate. Developing a structured approach to each day helps to provide predictability and productivity, along with a sense of accomplishment. So for example, making a schedule that has specific blocks of time for eating meals, household chores, work activities, play activities, digital social interaction, physical exercise, meditation and entertainment- movies, board games etc. , and relaxation, will give us that sense of purposeful living.

• With the unpredictability swirling around outside, it is important for us to set boundaries on the inside. Along with structuring time, saying no to excessive demands and taking time for self-care are vital to maintaining mental and physical well-being. And to reinforce what is already well known: eating well, sleeping well, and regular physical exercise must be given priority. Without these foundation blocks of healthy existence it is difficult to function effectively in other aspects of our lives.
• By recognizing and paying some attention to symptoms of anxiety we can quite readily implement strategies to mitigate their effects. So if we become aware of that feeling of uneasiness and irritability possibly triggered by the fact that we can no longer meet that friend, or drive by for a doubles, we can try to articulate the feeling to someone close, and then come up with alternatives such as making a fun snack at home, laying in a hammock with a cold coconut water, cuddling with a spouse and/or child, or looking at old pictures in an album and reminiscing. These are of course examples, and you can choose any positive activity that will work for you.
• When anxiety is provoked by a thought that comes into your head, it may help to ask: “is this thought helpful?” and “Is it helpful right now?”. If it is not, you can consciously dismiss it by using creative visualization to watch it float away on a cloud in the sky or on a leaf down the stream, or place it in a file in your mental file box for later use if necessary. It is important to differentiate thoughts that are based on fear and thoughts that are based on reality.

When children are displaying symptoms of anxiety adults need to acknowledge this and allow them to articulate what they are thinking and feeling. Some techniques for helping children to manage anxiety are as follows:

• Validate their feelings and thoughts. Let them know that it is okay to express them
• Explain things to them as appropriate for their age
• Hug them and reassure them

• Teach them child appropriate breathing exercises – Gently placing your hands on your tummy, slowly breathe in, counting 1-2-3-4, feel tummy rising like a balloon, then slowly breathe out counting 1-2-3-4, as if you are lightly blowing bubbles through your lips. Repeat 4 or 5 times
• Practice yoga stretches with them – some favourites are mountain pose, tree pose, eagle pose and downward dog. Any other stretches will work just as well.

• Encourage them to start a garden or look after a plant
• Allow them to help to look after a pet
• Make available activities that can help to distract them such as puzzles, building blocks, activity books etc.
• Allow them to expend energy through indoor dance party/ exercise or outdoor play activities
• Include them in activities with adults in maintaining order in the home

Normalizing feelings for children can help them to be more at ease with the unusual circumstances in which we find ourselves in the past few weeks. “It’s okay to feel fearful, it’s normal to feel anxious, worrying is expected”. Having adults listen to their concerns, discuss with them, and assist them in determining what will help them to feel more secure and in control is an important aspect of managing their anxiety. It is not helpful for children to be told “you shouldn’t feel…” and “you shouldn’t think…”. Instead, by acknowledging their thoughts and feelings and discussing with them, “help me to understand what made you feel or think…” they will feel respected and valued and be more likely to communicate openly with adults in the home.